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Psalm 23 for a Jewish Princess

*clears throat*

The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want.
He leadeth me to Neiman Marcus.
He giveth me energy for shopping.
He restoreth my checkbook.
He teacheth me to make restaurant reservations.
He leadeth me past many discount stores for mine own sake
Yea, though I walk on by
I shall not go in, for Thou art with me.
Thy fashionable clothes, they comfort me.
Thou preparest diamond jewelry for me
in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my face with Chanel cosmetics.
My cup overflows.
Surely designer clothes shall follow me to the end of my days.
And I will walk on Rodeo Drive forever.